I cannot control it with my mind. My body’s needs are its own and I am its prisoner. For twenty one years I have lived with these desires, succumbing to some, defeating many others. The battle is constant. All because of him. My hate for him boils over. My lust does too. My brain and my body are mortal enemies. My brain wins most battles, but loses every battle when it is with him. How can it be, when my mind knows best? I recall with rage, the feelings I’ve had over those years: Endorphins firing, nerves on fire, orgasms exploding. Now, kink is my god. He has made it so. How I hate him for it. How I love him for it. But I never know when he will be back. 91 is the most dialed number on my phone. Never 911. I always stop shy of the last digit. I have no control, when he is near. My body is his. He owns it. Even with my mind as his enemy and potential assassin, I am always his in the end. And I always love it. No sounds unexpected arise in the house, even as I wait, umbrella in. .. Only you seemed to have dropped this?” the red-head says handing me a napkin. Not waiting for an answer she re-joins her friends. Being out of practice I didn’t immediately think anything further about it until she looked at me, then the note! Even then I was slow on the up take.There on the napkin was a mobile number and two words. ‘text me’.So what do you think I do? Yes! I text, ‘Hi Im Dave. Do u want 2 go for a drink?”The return text – ‘lame question we both have one’ I hear her laugh. Two friends look up interested. They soon return to their respective phones.Sipping my coffee I consider another text. Then in comes, ‘I want you to fuck me’Coffee flies everywhere as I splutter reading her message.All at her table, except the red-head, look at me. I shrug my shoulders. While I compose myself the phone ping, ‘I guess thats a no?’ Immediately I type, ‘No’ Then ‘Yes, A second later I send ‘I would like to make love to you’. Then nothing!All five friends stand, hug each other. They.
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